St. Augustine Woman's Journal - Educational Resource to the Women of St. Johns County Since 2009

By Kathleen Abbot
The LifeSource Group 

Healing Broken Relationships

 

February 1, 2017 | View PDF

Imagine for a moment that you are bending down planting flowers by your mailbox. It a crisp, and warm spring day, and you feel relaxed and satisfied to be making your home more beautiful. You see your spouse out of the corner of your eye, get in the car and back out of the driveway, obviously unaware of your presence, because you suddenly feel the dense impact of the car, knocking you over, forcing you to gaze upward in shock. You glance down the road to see your spouse pick up the cell phone, but you already know that this is not a call for help, so you begin to take care of yourself.

Approximately 60-70% of marriages are either ended or seriously challenged due to an affair, many of which last more than two years. With the foundation of adultery being deception and the consideration of the individual's needs over the needs of the marriage, it is not surprising that once the confrontation is made, it becomes more difficult to carry on. Once brought to the light, the choices of how to manage this crisis determine the outcome. If the unfaithful spouse shows a high degree of remorse and is willing to completely discontinue contact, the marriage has a chance to heal. But so

often people are caught in the strong chemical reactions that the brain creates when there is something new or dangerous or forbidden. Many people mistake these feeling for love and think they have found their soul mate, when in reality it is more of an addiction, similar to that of cocaine.

At the LifeSource Group, we have a model of therapy that has been quite effective in helping couples recover from an affair. In our Dynamic Couples Counseling, where Kathleen Abbott and John Jones are both present with the couple, we are finding that more people are determined to save their marriage. If there is willingness to look at the root cause of the disconnect which allowed space for another person, a desire to forgive and create trust again, the couple can move towards a stronger position. This takes both courage and humility as well as a lot of support.

We use the metaphor of the spouse being hit by the car because healing may take a long time and the commitment to walk each other through the healing is easier to comprehend if the wound were physical. For many, the pain of betrayal feels like the ultimate physical, emotional and spiritual pain. We see conflict as an opportunity for growth, with the goal being to not just get the couple back to where they were before, but to help them create a new relationship that is far more intimate and trusting, with a bond so strong, there is no room for another. "For two are better than one, for they can keep each other warm and when one falls down, the other can help them up." The bottom lines is whether you are willing to accept your God-given power to confront conflict and fear with love, no matter the degree of pain. That is a choice wholly your own to make.

We feel humbled and blessed to help show you how to make that choice.

Lasting Results Through Science & Spirituality

Free Counseling Through Our Graduate Intern Program

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(904) 797-5680

Fax: (904) 797-5681 • http://www.TheLifeSourceGroup.com

248 Southpark Circle East • Saint Augustine, FL 32086

Kathleen Abbott,

Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Clinical Director

"Kate" has a Masters Degree in Clinical Social Work from Florida State University and is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. She has over 25 years of experience as a therapist and as a business leader. She coaches managers on best practices, is a regular speaker on creative and practical life strategies and believes "transformation begins with a renewing of the mind." Her clinical expertise is broad with specialties in eating disorders, PTSD, women, couples, teens and faith-based counseling. She is also highly experienced in providing counseling and crisis intervention training to various organizations in our community. A former licensed foster care parent and mother of two daughters, she is able to equip others in managing life's many changes and challenges.

John R. "Jack" Jones, Jr,

Licensed Mental Health Counselor & Certified Family Law Mediator

"Jack" has an MBA from Columbia University, a Masters Degree in Counseling Psychology from the University of North Florida, is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, a Clinical Hypnotherapist and a Certified Family Law Mediator. A former CPA with over 20 years of international business experience, he now specializes in working with teenage and adult substance abuse, family and couple discord, parental alienation syndrome, trauma, anxiety, depression, and schizophrenia. Practicing what he calls Cognitive Soul Therapy, dramatic results are sought using both science and spirituality. He is also familiar with the courtroom through his experiences as a Family Law Mediator, Guardian Ad Litem volunteer, licensed foster care parent, and adoptive father.

 
 

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